GOMO! Buddies

Home for the Holidays Means Boundaries for More Happiness

It’s great to be back with family again…for the first few hours. But then, many of us have family members who get on our last nerve - or we get on theirs.

Instead of rolling a pair of dice and hoping for the best with your family, be bold and set meaningful guidelines that help love and respect flourish.

Recently, Deanne (who works with me) sent a great example of this idea. The daughter of one of her friends recently gave birth to premature twins. With love and firmness, she wrote the following set of boundaries for family and friends as she and her husband and their new babies made the transition from hospital to home.

Read them and consider how setting guidelines can bring more peace to your home and relationships.

"So, as we get nearer and nearer to having our babies home, I wanted to send out a message to all of our well wishing friends and family who may stop by to see the babies in the next few weeks.  Forgive me as I speak freely.
 
Please consider these "guidelines" as you think about visiting us and the babies:

1. If anyone in your house or you are feeling the least bit ill, please do not stop by until you are healthy.  Babies, in general, are more susceptible to illness. Because we have preemies, this risk is even higher.  We are especially wary this year because of the H1N1 going around.  So please, only visit if you and everyone you live with are healthy. 
2. Please call before you stop by to make sure it is a good time for us. We may be resting or have other visitors.
3. Please plan a short visit.  Unfortunately we will not be able to "entertain" you while you are here; and our babies, because they are premature, are only able to handle limited amounts of extra stimulation.  It's not that we don't want you here; it's that we want our babies to have a safe environment.
4. We realize that many of our family and friends live out of town.  You are still welcome to stop by, but we will not be able to host you overnight unless you are immediate family.  Again, it's not that we don't want to see you; it's just that we are unable to entertain at this time.  
   
5. If you come by, any help you can bring us is appreciated! We will be very busy and tired, so anything you can do to help is appreciated - household chores, lunch, supper, diaper changes....anything you can think of, we would appreciate help with.  If you have any questions about what we need...ask!" 
   

This young woman expresses the needs for her family while also affirming the love and the good intentions of family and friends.

Hers is a great example for lots of us to follow. What guidelines are needed your home so there is less GOMO! commotion over the holidays?

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GOMO! Trumps Fear

“Never make a decision out of fear.”
— Robin Kirby, Principal of Loving Impact

GOMO! trumps fear to improve our decision-making. If you think about it, I’ll bet examples of this truth shine in your life. Here’s one of mine. Four years ago, our family faced a life changing decision. Maytag Corporation, absorbed by Whirlpool Corporation, was leaving our Iowa community. Like many, we faced decisions about uncertain employment, a gut wrenching move, and the emotional turmoil of leaving the known for the unknown.

Many of us find ourselves facing significant life-changing decisions. We face transition and turmoil in different directions. Change in the economy has hurt many in real ways. We’re fearful about the cost of food and housing. We’re fearful about healthcare, war, and taxes. We’re fearful about crime, freakish weather, and terrorist attacks. Fear paralyzes our decision making.

The steps of GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!) invite us to think through the feelings and facts about our circumstances so that we get over the noise of paralyzing fear and move on to the personal decisions we can make for happier, healthier living.

GOMO! is an opportunity:

• to get over what used to be and move on to what is.
• for confident action that we can take right now to improve their lives.
• to recognize that challenges strengthen us when approached with a GOMO! mindset rather than a variable mood that depends on external circumstances.

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GOMO! - A Relevant Gift for Right Now

As I read the MSN online headlines today about who has what, who wants what, and who can’t get what she wants, my thoughts automatically turn to the dramatic need for a GOMO! perspective in today’s world. GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!), is a gift to yourself. GOMO! provides a new lens for the way that you see your circumstances, even the incredibly difficult ones of economic challenges, real estate worries, health concerns, and job loss.

GOMO! remains relevant for many of us who express concern about our culture’s “me-first” mantra—about a society in which excess and entitlement are the norm, where many refuse to accept not getting their way. And some of us worry about how this kind of culture has impacted our own values and thinking.

Publishers Weekly writes that Dr. Jean Twenge and Dr. W. Keith Campbell (authors of The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement), provide substantial evidence to prove that, “the U.S. is suffering from an epidemic of narcissism, as real and as dangerous as the more widely reported obesity epidemic.”

However, the material goodies—large homes, expensive cars, and assorted “toys”—that were once within our reach may no longer be feasible. Even when the economy settles, most of us will be changed forever, from our close to graduating son who is currently defining career aspirations, to our daughter who is re-evaluating her college dollars, to my need to talk with my husband about shifts in retirement planning.

I’m using GOMO! as an immediate help to adjust my expectations and reconsider priorities with acceptance and gratitude. I know that it can help.

Try GOMO!; I think you’ll agree that it gives:

• A way to stop the “me-first” perspective (entitlement)
• A way to live from the power of love and gratitude
• A shortcut that “cuts to the chase” for more authentic choices
• A new habit for a higher quality of life that keeps on growing

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Why GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!)?

As I breathe a sigh of relief about a finished book proposal for GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!), I’m also thinking about my passionate belief that the concept and process changes lives for good- for the better as well as in a lasting way.

Before the weekend begins, I want to share some thoughts about why there is such a dramatic need for GOMO! There are three key issues facing most of us currently that GOMO! addresses. This blog focuses on one of them today; and our next couple of blogs will address the others.

The need for GOMO! is a human issue, not a gender, age, race, or religion issue. GOMO! is for any who are stuck and want to get unstuck … fast. We need a new way of “seeing” to make wiser decisions for our next step.

"GOMO is simple and direct versus a long, drawn-out six year counseling session that basically says the same thing. I love it.” — Kathi Macias Award-winning author of more than thirty books, including BEYOND ME: Living a You-First Life in a Me-First World.

Many live with a victim mentality. Even those with decent emotional health can fall prey to the “poor me” syndrome. It’s an easy trap to step into. Circumstances can easily push any one of us into conflict rather than a peaceful response. Emotional baggage from the past or burdens of the present causes feelings of helplessness and powerlessness to change, often in spite of a sincere desire to change. The victim way of thinking drains optimism, productivity, and emotional strength. Over time, we find ourselves stuck. We don’t need to be “fixed.” We do need a tool to make better decisions for the lives we most want to live.

The Gift of GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!) focuses on what to do right now. The process flips our internal switch to one of personal strength. We’re encouraged to consider new ways for resolving old problems.

GOMO! helps us discover:

• New choices specific to our personal needs
• The immediate value of reasoned responses over kneejerk reactions
• Powerful forgiveness to release nearly any form of negativity
• Specific actions to build unbreakable resilience
• Lives lived from the power of loving intention rather than paralyzing fear

As I move on to enjoy this day, knowing that there are places to go and people to see, I’m tucking away the knowledge that GOMO! builds strength to meet what the day gives.

An Immediate Move On! Strategy That Needs to Take Root

A few days ago, one of my favorite sixth graders shared a great GOMO! story with her mom.

As they traveled home from school together, *Kate said, "Hey, mom.  I have the perfect response when someone tells you something and then says, 'No offense!'"   

"So, what’s that?" her mom asked.   

I just say, "No offense taken."  

And that is that.   

*Thank you, Kate.

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What about the Unwelcome Guest?

Inclusiveness is a value I cherish.

“Come on in.”
“Stay as long as you like.”
 
These are words dear to me.

Now and then though, a guest who was warmly welcomed waves good-bye; and I feel a sense of relief. Can you relate?

Years ago, we invited *Becky and Dan, a newly married couple, to our summer home (the one we rent for ten days!) for the weekend. We were so glad to see them.

“Come on in.”
“Stay as long as you like.”

I remember using those words.

Within forty-eight hours, Dan’s behavior shifted the mood. For Doug, for me, for our children. Dan barely gave us the time of day, showing far more interest in our friends with the high powered boat. Conversation was limited to requests (demands?) for more food, drier towels, and, “Shhhh, I’m trying to sleep.” On the water, he hogged the skis, often splashing others in canoes and kayaks as he zoomed by, his maniacal laughter filling the space. In the cabin, he sprawled with his beer and snacks, eyes glued to the screen of a small television.

Yes, I admit it. It was a relief to wave good-bye when Becky and Dan pulled away in their car.

This morning, I had a similar realization about another guest- a guest who is often welcome, but yesterday, not so much. Despite my desire to welcome its presence, yesterday was just not a good day for this one. My ego.

Funny how the ego behaves. Often, it seems pleasant enough; but now and then, it becomes more like a bully. The demands roll in. Unwilling to share. Louder than necessary. And despite my desire to shush it and usher it out, some days, the petty path is taken.

What’s your ego up to today?

Thank goodness for the power of GOMO! Get over it; Move On! and for the beauty of a new day.

*Of course, names are changed!

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Find GOMO! Opportunities in Our Obstacles

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I think about obstacles over the past few days.

Now, as the wind howls outside our door and I hear more branches falling, I’m reminded of our last major storm in June that brought down huge limbs, creating a major obstacle to pulling out of our driveway. Those limbs blocked our getaway for a couple of hours. That gave me plenty of time to consider my thoughts. Let me just cut to the core on what I was thinking right after that storm.

“I can’t believe this. Another darn storm. How many more will we have this summer? The last one took out power in our neighborhood for hours; for some it was twenty-four hours. This is so inconvenient. I hate this.”

Now, I’m reading a book that suggests looking at obstacles in a very different way than making a list of complaints. The author writes about the joy of facing obstacles. She says, “It seemed as though every obstacle…was looked upon as another object to be overcome and another lovely opportunity to find a way over and around it.”

Could we really live that way?

What if I considered each obstacle as “another object to be overcome”? What if I made the decision to view each obstacle as a “lovely opportunity”?

How would it change my day and eventually my life, if I considered each obstacle with her perspective?

I’m going to try it. Will you?

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Strength of Really Big People

"Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous -- not just to some people in some circumstances -- but to everyone all the time" (Thomas J. Watson)

A couple of years ago, seven teenagers spent the night with us. Arriving from Iowa to attend a graduation party, their hosts needed extra beds, so we offered our home. We changed sheets, washed towels, bought food, and looked forward to their arrival.

Our anticipation was soon overshadowed by their curious arrival and stay.

Five of the seven teens said nearly nothing to my husband or me in the 36 hours that they used our home. It was one of the quietest experiences I’ve ever had with a crowd of people. We didn’t hear “hello” when they arrived, “good morning” when they came in for breakfast or “thank you” when they left though we heard them talking with each other just fine (which assured us that they weren’t a troupe of mimes!).

Later, I was talking with my son and daughter about the experience.
I thought their behavior was odd…and rude. My son listened to my story, and then asked, “So Mom, you like being hospitable as long as people say thank you?” 

“Well, uh, yes, I guess that’s true….”

As much as I think I’d like to become the saint who offers hospitality with absolutely no strings attached, I have to admit that good manners and interpersonal courtesies catch my attention. They sweeten the time and strengthen the energy given to serving others.

Words from Ghandi make this point, "When restraint and courtesy are added to strength, the latter becomes irresistible."

Courtesies and good manners in the workplace also sweeten and strengthen.

In the past few months, two clients share the similarity of existing in the same community. There, the resemblance comes to a near standstill. One client has an organizational climate of disorganization, tardiness, chronic apology, and defensiveness about receiving the help they requested. The other gives dogged focus to discovering their essential purpose, assures timely meetings and appointments, exudes confidence and delight about their future, and expresses eagerness for new and shared learning and growth supported with sincere and powerful words of appreciation for each other as well as for me.
Which client would you most want to work with each day?

Is your workplace most similar to that preferred client?

Bernie Brillstein, author of The Little Stuff Matters Most,  says that, "Outcomes rarely turn on grand gestures or the art of the deal, but on whether you’ve sent someone a thank-you note." 

Though living without thank-you notes is easy enough, I’m quite certain that existence is vastly improved with the strength of courtesies and good manners.  Would you agree?

A Moment of Kindness Reshapes the Mood

Watching with frustration as hot chai tea and coffee spilled over his jacket and pants, my husband bent over to pick up the two cups from the pavement after their messy fall from the roof of his car. Walking back into Starbucks, he held both cups in one hand while reaching for his wallet and more money for refills.

After approaching the counter, he passed his cups over to Sarah, the barista, for refills and turned to pay Brandee. Without missing a beat, she smiled and said, “no charge.” “No charge?” he asked. “It was my own fault for setting them on top of the car.”

“No charge.” And Sarah passed the newly filled cups back to him with another generous smile.

Kind action on her part was a gift to Doug’s heart.

It’s not that spilled coffee is that big of a deal, but someone noticing his frustration and taking the initiative to turn it around is a “mood shaper.”

Is there an unexpected kindness for you to give today?

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Why Transfer, When You Can Transform?

Claim your pain.

Is it a betrayal or a rejection? Is it a small disappointment or a deep seated wound?

Whatever the pain, it’s a sure bet that you’re transferring it if you’re not transforming it.

Inevitably, anger, tension, and fear step up to hurt our relationships. And they travel with us to new relationships and circumstances. What do you need to finally “get over it and move on?” The five steps of GOMO! may help.

GOMO! provides the opportunity to name your specific pain, respect the feelings associated with it, reveal the facts that support it, make a decision to release it, opt for the action to do it, and move on to greater strength with new emotional freedom. With freedom from emotional pain, you immediately gain peace and joy.

Will you transform your hurt into peace and joy by your forgiveness...or transfer it for more pain?

What’s the smartest choice for you?

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person by an emotional link stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link to get free." 

--Catherine Ponder

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