GOMO! Buddies

Change the Echo for a Move On! Strategy

Incessant head chatter is such an issue for me some days that I’m still thinking about it after writing the blog about it last week. Can you relate?

Just a few days ago, an incredibly bright sixth grader said, “I can’t stop thinking. I’m always thinking. I wish I could just stop at times.”  This sixth grader also has had some severe challenges in his life so far. There’s been physical and emotional abuse, gross neglect from a runaway dad, fairly constant upheaval in his home, and very few friends in his lifetime.

What kinds of things do you suppose he thinks about?

Perhaps most of us reading this haven’t had David’s tumultuous life, but most of us know we hear the echoes of comments made to us, whether from yesterday or from “back in the day”…

What echoes do you hear?

Not every echo is bad; some are useful, even uplifting. Just consider these:

    “You might be smart, but you have no common sense.”
    “Keep on keeping on.”
    “Don’t show too much heart or you’ll get hurt.”
    “Don’t go getting all emotional on me.”
    “Nobody does it better.”  (Carly Simon anyone!?)

What we need to decide is which of our echoes strengthen us and which need release. Gently, let go. You’ll Get Over the pain of them when you decide to release them and Move On! to the echoes that support and encourage you.

Several years ago, I heard a story that went something like this:
A young boy was traveling to the mountains for the first time. Since this was a camping trip, the boy enjoyed wandering around the campsite and walking the winding trails. One day, he was standing near an overlook that viewed the deep valley below. He thought he heard something so he yelled, “hello.” And echo, which he had never heard responded, “hello.” The boy called back, “who are you?” And, the echo responded, “who are you?” The boy yelled out, “I asked you first.” And the echo came back, “I asked you first.” Frustrated the boy yelled again, “I don’t like you.” Predictably, he heard, “I don’t like you.”

The boy ran back to the campsite and told him mom what had happened. She talked with him and made a suggestion. Then he ran back to the overlook to again shout, “hello.” And immediately he heard, “hello.” “I’m sorry,” said the boy. And again, the voice came back, “I’m sorry.” Then the boy called out, “I love you,” and the echo responded, “I love you.”

What we say to ourselves, matters. We reap what we sow. Change your echoes. Change your echoes.

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Will You Change Your Voice?

The other day I was thinking about the great value of vocal variety when we speak out loud. Any of us is consistently more interesting to listen to if we vary our pitch (think of notes on a scale), tone (the energy we give to our words), volume (the loudness or softness of our voices), and rate (the speed of our speech) when in conversation or making a presentation.

But some of that variety from the voices in our heads that chatter to us throughout the day can be a real pain…

We all do it. Talking to ourselves, whether silently our out loud, is a way that we figure out what we think and feel about the world going on around us.

What is one of the last things that you said to yourself? How did your internal voice sound? Was it kind? Accepting? Fair? Or, was it harsh, blaming, loud, and quick to criticize? Often the way that we talk to ourselves is far more rude and abrasive than how we converse with others. In fact, we’re just down right mean.

“Can’t you do anything right?”
“It’s no wonder you don’t get a promotion- you’re stupid.”
“I can’t believe how clumsy I am.”
“No one would want me on their team.”
“I’m so ugly the tide wouldn’t take me out.”

Yep, these comments just scratch the surface of what we say to ourselves. In fact, one author Joseph Mazzella, has said that we think sixty thousand thoughts a day; and most of the pitch, tone, and volume to how we talk to ourselves is negative.

Can you change that? Will you?

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world." --Buddha

GOMO! Gives a New Reality

Magicians are all about illusions. Sawing people in half, making things vanish, and pulling money from your ears—all of these tricks look real; but there’s a fast hand, fast thinking, and great timing that pulls them off.

Many of us are magicians without even realizing it. Some of us work constantly to maintain illusions for the outside world to see that are very different from the reality that we feel inside of ourselves.

Do you use money, career, material things, vacations, and your social circles to prove your worth? Have you discovered that, despite these outward and visible signs of worldly success, you are still feeling empty?

Just read a few of the comments that have come from the mouths of clients. A couple of them sound similar to things I’ve felt- how about you?

“I’ve gotten everything that I thought I wanted in life, but it turns out that this isn’t what I really wanted after all.”

“I’d give up most of what’s in the bank to have a real relationship with my son.”

“Even though I’ve been on championship teams, the successful feeling wears off after a few days.”

“I don’t seem to have any real friends. The only social relationships I have are with people because of meetings and committees and my husband’s work.”

“I thought I’d be happier by the time I was this age.”

Can you “Get Over” the stuff that may look good to others, but doesn’t actually give much “good” to you? Can you “Move On!” to making decisions with your time and energy and talent that are more in line with real meaning for your life? Get Over the illusions, and Move On! to a new reality- a reality that radiates from the inside, out.

“The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty...The ordinary objects of human endeavor-property, outward success, luxury-have always seemed to me contemptible.”  --Albert Einstein

photo credit: Albert Gonzales Farran

Put Feelings In Their Place

When our children were younger, our family could hardly wait for our opportunity to visit MGM Studios in Orlando, Florida. Wanting to be the mom that my six-year-old son wanted to have, I allowed myself to be talked into riding the Tower of Terror, a “fun” ride that lifts adventurers hundreds of feet into the air and then “drops” them—faster than any human stomach was meant to move.  The ride is clearly designed for a Chuck Norris spirit trying to break free of a Steve Erkle body.

The line snakes around to the entrance of the ride, all the while giving you lots of time to hear the screams and yells of those who’ve gone before you. There are plenty of chances to step out of the crowded line; and believe me, I considered each and every one.
You have one more glaring opportunity to say, “no way” when you’re asked to sign the document releasing the studios from all liability just before the greasy-haired, sleepy-eyed teen straps you in—like a victim on an ambulance gurney. You have made the commitment. The one teeny, tiny piece of good news was that I sat with four others who had equally poor decision-making skills. My growing fear overshadowed my value about respecting others’ personal space. I leaned into a perfect stranger on my right and whispered, “I know you don’t know me, but I’m going to hold your hand.”

That was the last piece of communication I remember, because my feelings took over. My feelings converged into a giant jumble of fear, anxiety, fear, stupidity, and more fear. Those feelings then determined my thoughts, thoughts that spoke loudly—and then started yelling inside my head: ARE YOU NUTS? YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. YOU ARE ONE DEAD WOMAN, WITH NO TIME TO PLAN YOUR FUNERAL. My heart was now beating outside my chest. Those thoughts became facts in my head. I believed, I believed, I believed…. I really might die. Then the ride was over. Done. Finished. I wasn’t dead! My feelings of fear that were assuring me of impending death had been wrong. There wasn’t a scratch on me.

 Feelings- they really can exert power over our thinking.

When faced with an obstacle that needs the GOMO! process, each of the steps may be essential. Remember that with GOMO!, the first step is to acknowledge our feelings as specifically and as honestly as possible. Then the second step is to consider the facts of what faces us.

Acknowledging both feelings and facts about a situation is valuable. Separating feelings from facts leads to more objective thinking rather than a distorted muddle that’s confusing and often biased in some way.

In remembering my ride on the Tower of Terror, feelings of fear and anxiety led me to a stronger and stronger belief that death was likely. I was so wrong.

Today, I’m renewing a commitment to give feelings their due, but to take care that feelings aren’t the control panel for my thoughts. Is that a commitment that you need to review?

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