GOMO! Buddies

Quotes to Support the GOMO! Lifestyle

In doing some research the other day, I bumped into a number of quotes related to resolving conflict so that you can, Get Over it; Move On!

Do you have five minutes for some new awareness? That’s all it takes to read these with care and then consider which two or three matter most to you for the next thirty days. You may even choose to print one more more of your favorites and post them in your home or office as a reminder. Often, a great quote can help us with GOMO!

photo credit

How do you listen? Do you listen with your projections, through your projection, through your ambitions, desire, fears, anxieties, through hearing only what you want to hear, only what will be satisfactory, what will gratify, what will give comfort, what will for the moment alleviate your suffering? If you listen through the screen of your desires, then you obviously listen to your own voice. – J. Krishnamurti

photo credit

Every person you fight with has many other people in his life with whom he gets along quite well. You cannot look at a person who seems difficult to you without also looking at yourself. – Jeffrey Kottler

photo credit

Deep listening, compassionate listening is not listening with the purpose of analyzing or even uncovering what has happened in the past. You listen first of all in order to give the other person relief, a chance to speak out, to feel that someone finally understands him or her. Deep listening is the kind of listening that helps us to keep compassion alive while the other speaks…During this time you have in mind only one idea, one desire: to listen in order to give the other person the chance to speak out and suffer less. This is your only purpose. Other things like analyzing, understanding the past, can be a by-produce of this work. But first of all listen with compassion. – Thich Nhat Hanh

photo credit

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. – M. Scott Peck

photo credit

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. – don Miguel Ruiz

photo credit

Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while both parties come prepared to forgive, neither party comes prepared to be forgiven. – Charles Williams

photo credit

Human beings love to be right. When a person is willing to give up being right, a whole world of possibilities opens up. – Pete Salmansohn

photo credit

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence? – Shirdi Sai Baba

What’s Sinking the RelationShip?

A couple of years ago, a dear friend shared her perspective on conflict in relationships.  Amy offered three categories of how people respond to interpersonal conflict.

1. "Never having to say you’re sorry" perspective.
2. "There’s a wrong to be righted" perspective. 
3. "I just don’t understand you" perspective.

Though I’ve always hated the sappy (and untrue!) line of, "Love is never having to say you’re sorry," Amy’s explanation made sense. In fact, this perspective embraces a light touch of  "GOMO!"  Relationships have their ups and downs, but each person values the relationship so much that a sudden wave in the friendship is viewed as a mishap to get over quickly so that the relationship can move on and focus on its strengths. The turmoil is viewed as part of the ebb and flow of healthy relationships. It may need to be addressed, but then it is released and doesn’t need to be brought up again. Moving On to focus on the love and respect in the relationship is far more important for their time and energy.

If this is a perspective you take, could this quote be useful to you? "Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today." – Cherokee proverb

"There’s a wrong to be righted" perspective. In this case, the conflict is described, analyzed, and discussed until both parties believe that there is a satisfactory outcome. If they both can Get Over it, then the relationship stays healthy and moves forward. Sometimes, though, they can’t come to an agreement. Then a rift occurs. It may be short term or forever, depending on the strength of the relationship vs. the strength of the rift. Here’s a time when a more in-depth GOMO! lends a hand. In this case, the four steps of: Get connected with your feelings, Own the facts, Make a decision for apology or forgiveness, and Opt for action get to work to restore the relationship. Most often, GOMO!’s power provides essential healing.

If this is a perspective you take, could this quote be useful to you? "Human beings love to be right. When a person is willing to give up being right, a whole world of possibilities opens up." – Pete Salmansohn

"I just don’t understand you" means that one person takes the "never have to say you’re sorry" perspective and the other lives by "the reasonable person" perspective. Neither recognizes (or understands!) the others' point of view. Unknowingly, each has set a trap for the other. A conflict occurs; and each responds in a way that is foreign to the other. One assumes a fairly easy release of the conflict; the other wouldn’t dream of releasing it without explanation, analysis and understanding. A rift forms when one person simply lets go of a conflict and moves on while the other remains upset. The wave of misunderstanding and miscommunication often goes on indefinitely, putting increasing pressure on the relationship until it dissolves into nothingness or crumbles with angry words.

If this is a perspective you take, could this quote be useful to you? "Every person you fight with has many other people in his life with whom he gets along quite well. You cannot look at a person who seems difficult to you without also looking at yourself." – Jeffrey Kottler

I’m going to throw a lifeline to one of my relationships; will you?

photo credit

Identify the Result You Want and Plan for That Result

In packing up my things for a speech in Palm Springs, I was noodling on one of my mantras, needing to apply it more in my own life lately:

Identify the result you want, and plan for that result.

You know what? With respect to GOMO!, I really want to Get Over what I view as bad stuff and Move On! to good stuff. Too general? I think so too. I’m realizing that I need to be more specific about the goal if I want to plan for more specific progress.

What about these examples?

• I want to Get Over bad eating and Move On! to good eating.
• I want to Get Over the need for results and Move On! to not needing results so much.
• I want to Get Over loneliness from our move and Move On! to not feeling lonely.

Are you seeing my pattern of generalities here?

So how can I be more specific? How about these:

• I will Get Over stashing peanut M and M’s in secret places and Move On! to replacing them with almonds.
• I will Get Over scheduling each hour of the day and Move On! to giving my day some spaces to unfold.
• I will Get Over yearning for two of my best friends and Move On! to appreciating our friendship in new ways through this move.

Here’s the thing. The more specifically that I can identify the result I want, the more specifically, I can consider a plan of action for achieving it. What do you think? Can you use this idea too?

Get Over the Obstacle of Comparisons; Move On to Celebrating Your Strengths

The other day, an incredibly talented and artistic friend lamented her shortcomings as a “Type B” kind of personality compared to one of her “Type A” friends. You may remember that Type A individuals are often described as time focused, high achieving, multi-tasking and goal oriented when their strengths are considered. They often are take charge people who provide direction and leadership.

She compared those qualities to her own as a Type B style, saying that she isn’t nearly so driven, loses track of time, and doesn’t seem to accomplish as many goals as her friend. In short, she described herself as coming up short!

 

If you’re still reading, I’m betting that you are thinking in the direction I’m headed. My dear Type B friend was comparing her weaknesses to a Type A’s strengths. Here’s what came out of her mouth in summary, “My Type B style is inferior to a Type A.”

Whoa…that’s not comparing apples to apples.

So, let’s consider a Type B’s strengths. When I googled Type B behavior for a quick review, strengths include skills of patience, imaginative thinking, creativity, the ability to think philosophically and behaving in a relaxed, easy going manner. Yep, that fits my Type B friend; no wonder she’s so much fun to be around!

Then it only seemed fair to also google a fuller understanding of the Type A style to share with her. Guess what? In addition to the truth of what she shared about strengths of the Type A style, Type A individuals are also described as impatient, insecure about their status, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxing.

Which is better?

That’s a dicey question…

A better question is to ask whether it adds greater value to your self esteem to compare yourself to others or to keep T.A.B.S. on yourself, discovering and caring for your own Talents, Abilities, Blessings, and Skills. What’s your response?

Here’s a fairly quick, but valuable exercise that I shared with her. Perhaps it will benefit you.

Grab a sheet of paper and write out the letters of the alphabet working down each line of the page. Now go back and identify a strength that you have that correlates with each letter of the alphabet. You may make some delightful discoveries about your T.A.B.S. package.

“The most exciting place to discover talent is in yourself.”  Ashleigh Brilliant

photo credit