GOMO! Buddies

Are You a Real Beauty?

The bet is on your side that your answer is “yes” if you’ve learned to GOMO! the tough stuff rather than accepting anger, bitterness, or regret.

Real beauty of the spirit can’t be bought or made up. Real beauty comes through your lineage of character in how you live through your rough stuff. Grit, grace, and gratitude are the “G” forces for beauty that lasts. And these forces just don’t break through the surface without the gift of GOMO! to clear a path.

You were created for a life girded with love and peace and joy. That kind of life doesn’t emerge without trials; a beautiful life emerges because you move on in spite of them.

Just a few days ago, a woman faced a moment when she could choose lifelong regret about the loss of a child’s life or take a chance of overcoming nearly impossible odds to give life to that same child.

Nicole was on a mission trip in Haiti when she learned of a little boy who was struggling to breathe and needed an inhaler to open his airway for life saving medication. Hours away from a hospital, he was given barely an hour to live. The situation seemed absolutely hopeless until a nurse remembered that she had the needed medication in her luggage. However, it was a 2 ½ hour rugged hike to climb down and then back up the mountain.

In a flash, Nicole, a triathlon athlete, made a decision to go for the “gold” by running down and then back up the mountain to retrieve the needed inhaler. She took off, running as fast as she could in rough conditions, believing that her strength could make a difference. On her return, and close to the clinic, she collapsed from exhaustion. A local resident found her and delivered the medicine needed for the toddler. Several minutes later when she arrived at the clinic, Nicole was greeted by the child who was not only breathing on his own, but hungry as well - and offered to share his cookie with her! Nicole was right; her strength did make a difference- a life saving difference.

 
Hers is a story of the “G” forces in action, action that saved a little boy’s life and deepened her lineage of remarkable character beauty- beauty that shines out from the inside.

In Nicole’s story, several conditions converged to move her on to the action that actually saved a life. And they are habits that I hear many clients mention over and over again as they get over their tough times to move on to more beautiful lives.

Instead of lingering with what they cannot control, they let it go and move on with strength.

Instead of seeking sympathy, they seek partners in courage.

Instead of claiming their rights as a victim, they claim opportunities for victory.

Instead of coveting what they don’t have, they gratefully share their abundance.

Instead of dreaming of a better life, they make decisions for a better life.

What “G” forces are creating more beauty in you?  And, will you comment on the grit, grace, and gratitude that are creating beauty in others?

It's Not Your Fault, But it IS Your Responsibility

Is it your fault that you come from a broken family?

Is it your fault that your employer was bought by another major corporation, putting your job at risk?

Is it your fault that flooding came to your back door?

Most assuredly not.

The event that victimizes often is not your fault. However, the response that you choose is up to you.

Let’s consider the three that are mentioned above.

The event of a broken family is not your fault, but what responsibility are you taking for the question, “How am I broken; and what can I do to heal?”

The event of a corporate acquisition is not your fault, but what responsibility are you taking for the question, “Did I see signs of this; and what action have I taken to position myself for a career change?”

The event of a flood is not your fault, but what responsibility are you taking for the question, “Am I choosing to live in a higher risk area; and/or have I planned for a potential problem?”

Accepting responsibility with grace is a Move On strategy of strength. It’s a courageous move that helps us Get Over problems and pain. Many of us would say that accepting responsibility is a core behavior of strong character.

Too often, when bad things happen to good people, and the good people are us, we react as victims, ready to blame and accuse. Instead, we can pursue victory through taking responsibility for our emotional strength and well being. Even those of us who are typically responsible people schedule series of pity parties when we believe that we’ve been wronged.

You have an example already coming to mind, don’t you?

Me too.

There’s a person who only seems to contact me when she needs something. As I reflect on her communication over the years, I’ve heard from her for physical help, emotional help, spiritual help and financial help. She’s someone who has high expectations of others, but an inevitable excuse for why she falls short of her own commitments. She’s been frequent and vocal in her with tantrums and loss of anger. Then curiously, she’s deeply offended when forgiveness isn’t extended readily.

The bottom line? She’s been a taker and not much of a giver in most of our interactions.

A while ago, she called again. This time, the need was for prayer on behalf of someone close to her. I was delighted to respond; and, with her permission, contacted my prayer buddies to offer prayer as well. And then the same old pattern. Request made. Action taken. No additional communication from her.

My internal resentment started to build.
    “I should have known.”
        “Nothing’s changed.”
            “I can’t believe that she doesn’t even respond to an email.”
                “And what’s with the email- you’d think she could have at least called…”

Then the blossoming internal resentment fed on itself…for about three days…it was as though I invited the resentment to take root in sadness, disappointment, anger, and grudges.

And then I remembered the truth written above: The event that victimizes is often not our fault. This experience from over the years was not my “fault”. However, the response that I choose each time that she reappears is up to me.

What responsibility would I take this time?

In this case, it was to ask, “What is the root cause of my hurt? And, what will I do to get over the resentment that so often festers after a contact from this person?”

Here is what I decided:

1. Recognize that her behavior is congruent with what it’s been in the past. I knew what to expect; I just didn’t want to.
2. Hold on to my gladness in receiving the request to pray; prayer is powerful.
3. Accept that there are qualities about her to value; I know that she’s overcome a lot in her life.
4. Remember that I have so much in my own life. Nothing that she “takes” reduces my blessings.
5. She has no right to a “hold” on my life; it’s silly to let her influence my emotional state.

Here’s the thing. I’m finding that it’s mighty hard to heal and restore without taking responsibility for myself, whatever the event.

A death, critical illness, friendship betrayal, work crisis, or a natural disaster that impacts our wellbeing- you or I may not be the reason that a problem occurs, but it’s powerful to focus on and fix what’s amiss in our thinking. The emotional strength of taking responsibility invites peace and emotional freedom. Do you want some?

Photo Credit: jenmay

The Grit to Offer Grace

A client just called with both sad and glad news. She gave such a great example of how she’s using a Move On strategy to help her son (and herself!) get over a deeply disappointing situation.

Her son, after pulling out all the stops to make his select middle school basketball team, won’t be playing basketball after all. Despite private coaching to increase his confidence, hiring a high school player to help with his technical skills, hours of practice, and playing through significant hip pain, this young man is done for the season.

It turns out that the hip pain was due to a broken growth plate. Immediate surgery was required. Now, he is sidelined on crutches for six to eight weeks.

Painful.

However, his mom went on to talk about their joy in his replacement. Her words were, “You know, Susan, if my son hadn’t gotten hurt, this boy wouldn’t be playing. I know this kid; and he was right at the cutoff point for the team. He is overjoyed that he received a call that he’ll now be on the team. It is thrilling to see him so happy. My son is disappointed for himself, but he is even seeing how cool it is that this other boy is so happy.”

As she spoke with me, her voice was animated and full of energy. I could tell that she was truly happy for the other young man.

What a great example of moving on with strength. This mom put a piece of grace in action. Her grace is helping her move on; and her example is helping her son.

Can her example help you and me offer a piece of grace today?

Are you a Jerk?

You might be and not know it.

Lynne Truss author of, “Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door,” told the Wall Street Journal that incivility in the office is “part of a general shift to people thinking mainly about themselves.”

How about these three examples in the context of a need for GOMO!?

The sales manager who was introduced to me and later blurted out, “I don’t give a sh-- whether I know you or not.”
The union business agent who challenged me with, “I don’t know you, I don’t like you, and I don’t want you here.”
The electrician who yelled, “You’re full of cr—and you can go to he--!”

Stress begets rude behavior begets more stress begets more rude behavior- -well, you probably get the picture. Heck, you’ve probably felt that picture.

So, how do you respond with a GOMO! when faced with such blatantly rude behavior from family members or co-workers?

Remembering that GOMO! is about Get Over it; Move On!, here is a powerful strategy to moving on with strength when there is a pattern of rudeness. It is to build collaborative guidelines for working together and then establishing a commitment to using them and hearing about it when you don’t.

No one needs a book of rules for this. We just need a handful of ideas that help our understanding of each other, whether marriage partners, friends, or colleagues. With understanding and respect for working and personal relationships, we build trust. Trust reduces stress. Less stress can often mean more “nice”.  (See below for examples of guidelines from a financial services firm, the Wilson family, and a coal mine!)

Guidelines for working together get us on the same page. Guidelines help avoid miscommunication. Guidelines build trust. With trust in place, we let our personal brilliance shine.

technorati tags: GOMO!, Susan Wilson, guidelines, trust, Lynne Truss

Examples of guidelines:
Financial Services Firm
Begin and end on time
Tell your truth re: the current business model
Listen with focus and care
Speak with honesty and care
Seek solutions to issues

The Wilson Family (the earlier childhood years)
Mind the first time
Keep your hands and feet to yourself
Watch your voice, your words, and your expressions

Coal Mine
Be honest about your personal agenda
Use the past as valuable insight not as an excuse
Choose your level of hope
Tell the truth
Listen with care
Hold each other accountable with Nerf balls and chocolate kisses

GOMO!® A Choice for Character

     GOMO!® honors the best investment of your time and energy for goal achievement and for relationship strength.  Consider whether holding on to memories of deceit and betrayal adds value to reaching your goals and protecting your relationships.  Your answer is, most probably, no.  Because you see, the past is not your destination.  An inability to “Get Over it; Move On!” from the trash of the past keeps any of us from dreaming and achieving the grand possibilities of our futures.  There is a client company where a manager in charge of a work unit was vying with another manager for a promotion in that area.  The promotion was given to the other manager.  There was relationship history that could have led to hard feelings on the part of the manager passed over.  Rather than responding with bitterness, she chose words and actions to support the new director.   After a few weeks, she pursued a different position in a different area for a better match between the company, her skill set and her career goals.  Many still speak admiringly of her poise and dignity to GOMO!®.

    GOMO!® is good for your health.  According to Eileen O’Connor, author of the article, Forgiveness Heals the Hurt, studies funded by the Templeton Forgiveness Research Campaign are monitoring and measuring the physiological effects of forgiveness and its benefits.  At Hope College in Michigan, researchers find that blood pressure, heart rates and muscle tensions increase when subjects are asked to remember past grudges and anger.  But you probably don’t need to read this for that proof.  Instead, you can reflect on the calm you have felt when you’ve chosen to forgive and move on.

     Make a choice for GOMO!®.    It’s about forgetting to judge, choosing to let go, and skipping the blame game.  What a great way to take care of yourself.

Photo Credit

technorati tags: character forgiveness relationships GOMO!

GOMO!® A Choice for Character

      Chase’s Directory of important dates gives July as “Cultivate Character Month.”  One mark of character is the ability to respond with heart and head to conflict rather than reacting with revenge.  The seduction of revenge is that it can have the sweet smell of success initially.  We cleverly twist a phrase or plot an action that plays effectively for getting even.  Perhaps no one else ever knows what we’ve done or, maybe we’re even lauded for our cleverness.  But as we face ourselves in the mirror we know this “Piece of Truth”(sm).  A choice for ego was a choice against high character.  So what’s the alternative for a new and improved character response?  Consider the concept of GOMO!® . Say it out loud.  GOMO!®.  It’s the reasoned and heartfelt choice to “Get Over it; Move On!”

     GOMO!® covers the incredible power of forgiveness and mercy.  If there is the garbage of a grudge, consider whether you need to ask for an apology or extend one.  If there is the stink of unresolved conflict, consider whether you need to ask for forgiveness or extend it.

     The personal and disciplined choice to extend and accept forgiveness is a yielding to a higher goal than self.  It’s a letting go of “me” to an awareness of “we”.   It is an awareness that forgiving and forgiven are part of the ebb and flow of a higher standard.

photo credits: dflora

technorati tags: apology forgiveness character GOMO! get over it move on

GOMO!® A Choice For Character

     Recent reading has led me to the discovery of a new career option.  Garbage.  Max Lucado, popular author, writes of a Harvard educated researcher who is a “garbologist.” This man finds meaning in our garbage.  His organization, The Garbage Project, travels the country to find and examine our trash.  Food, papers, junk- all of it tells a story, thanks to the research of this group.  Lucado goes on to make the link between the learning found in trash and the learning that we can discover in the daily rubbish that we endure.  He suggests that life’s major junk of lies, deceits and betrayals as well as the more minor daily junk of computers freezing up, speeding tickets to accept, and work days that last well into the night give us opportunities to respond with courage and hope for something higher.  Each of us has a story of hopelessness and a story of hope depending on our response to the event.  In our betrayals and conflicts, do we focus on exacting revenge or do we focus on exacting higher character?

technorati tags: character hope conflicts GOMO get over it move on