Shame over being fired.
Shame about an attempted suicide.
Shame over drug abuse.
Shame about needing medication.
Shame over a lie.
Shame about a handicap.
Shame over a lost championship game.
Shame about sexual behavior.
Shame over a lost opportunity.
Shame about a divorce.
Shame over a conflict with a friend.
Shame about a business failure.
You’ve just read a quick list of twelve situations that have led to shame for many. What would you add? These are varying issues to varying degrees, but still, a very real emotion that’s emerged in each one is shame. Sadly, tragically, shame isolates. The more our shame takes us captive, the more we distance our true selves from others.
Here’s a perspective that so many of us take:
Whatever the error I view as so grievous, I can hardly forgive myself, so I certainly don’t think that you can fully forgive me especially if you’ve been hurt by my actions. So, with shame, I pull away from our relationship.
Often concurrent with shame, we have an emotional free-for-all with guilt, anger, frustration, humiliation- all of these are emotions that we carry around with us as though they define us. Many of us, with our self imposed labels, believe that we come up short in comparison to others. Our comparisons make us less honest, less vulnerable, and less authentic in our relationships.
The end result is more isolation.
Here’s a real thinking question- one that may stay with you for a few hours.
To what extent do you allow ongoing shame to be a primary consequence of your mistakes?
Return to GOMO! to acknowledge the issue, seek forgiveness or apology, and move on to self-forgiveness in the form of love and mercy.
It may be that fully forgiving oneself is one of the hardest things that any of us ever do. On the other hand, it’s one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. Your self-forgiveness is also a magnificent gift to others.
Let me explain.
Self-forgiveness isn’t saying that your error or bad behavior is okay. Self-forgiveness is a decision to learn from your error to build greater personal strength. It’s about getting over what weakens you psychically, emotionally, spiritually, and even, physically so that you have the emotional space to move on with renewed power and confidence and faith in yourself.
Getting over your “it” gives you the emotional freedom to draw closer to others. Self-forgiveness is honoring yourself as a person worthy of dignity and respect, so that you take that honoring into other relationships and your future beliefs, behaviors and actions.
Invite GOMO! in again. Use Get Over it; Move On! to evaluate your situation for a more realistic and fair resolution. Be grateful for the GOMO! power that allows you to get over your it and move on with power.
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