Laurie Kienlen, a freelance writer living on a small island off of the coast of British Columbia, recently interviewed me for an article, Giving Up For Your Own Good: When Quitting is the Healthiest Choice, which will be published in
Psychologies. Since the second edition of
Goal Setting (published by AMACOM) was released just a handful of weeks before her call, her questions intrigued me. After all, my work with goals focuses on powerful achievement, not giving up!
Laurie’s resulting article, reflecting a variety of interviews, is fascinating. With her agreement, I’m sharing her specific questions and my responses.
Why do we see quitting as a weak or negative thing to do- whether it’s giving up on our goal of losing that last five pounds or letting go of a career goal? One reason is that we focus on the word, “quit” instead of recognizing that wisdom sometimes encourages us to redirect or alter goals because of changed conditions, resources, skill sets, desires and /or payoffs.
A friend of mine is rehabilitating from a rare and debilitating illness. He has gone from a life full of work and interesting hobbies and boundless energy to a life that is consumed by physical therapy, occupational therapy, and the challenges of simple daily activities that most of us take for granted.
However, from the moment that he found himself flat on his back, unable to move any limb and with limited head motion, he made a decision about his attitude. His decision is an attitude of gratitude for what he has had, courage for the present moment and hope for his future.
This friend is living a blend of wisdom quoted from the Dali Lama and Marcus Aurelius. We want happiness, not suffering; and yet, we often allow our happiness to be controlled by external events more than our internal power of choice. Our unhappiness often is not due to an event itself, but to the way that we give it power to influence our mental state. When we make a decision for more powerful thinking, then we can remain content, even in a difficult or hostile circumstance. As
Keith Harrel suggests, we need to “guard our ear gate, our eye gate, and our mouth gate.” To move on to more consistently powerful thinking, we can honor ourselves and others by sowing care and loving choices.
Daily, even minute by minute, my friend makes the powerful and personal choice to let go of what he has lost. He moves on to focus on what he can do, on what he can potentially achieve, and on his gratitude for progress thus far.
Why is it that some of us value tenacity or persistence so highly, to the point that it can become detrimental? What influences our doggedness?I googled, “quotes about quitting.” It’s amazing the number of quotes that focus on, “Never quit.” Rugged doggedness and persistence have been positioned as badges of honor. However, that way of thinking needs a bit of a shift to be emotionally healthier for each of us. After all, “never” is a long, long time. Though I don’t want people to give up because the going gets tough, there is some merit in the W.C. Fields quote,
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”How are we affected by hanging on to something after it’s no longer healthy? What are the psychological effects of holding on to unrealistic goals?
Stress goes up, self confidence goes down, anxiety goes up, and joy goes down. Energy is depleted; a person feels defeated. We feel less smart and less powerful. Our ability to "bounce back" is often hampered. And there are more than just the psychological effects. There is the wasting of resources of time, energy, creativity and dollars when we keep pouring them into an effort with diminishing returns. It just makes sense to consider giving a goal a GOMO! when it’s no longer beneficial to your circumstances and desires.
How we can learn to be good quitters? That’s a great question; and I’m looking forward to answering it in the next blog! Have a great weekend…
*Read Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen's most recent online articles:
10 Green Steps to Weight Loss for Woman's Day and
Laughter is Good Medicine for Reader's Digest Online. She's the Feature Writer for
Psychology Suite101 & maintains two blogs:
Writing Quotations & Tips and
Inspirational Quotations for Women.Goal Setting: How to Create and Achieve your Goals is available through
Amazon or
our office.
Photo Credit:
SoZeSoZe