A few days ago, one of my favorite sixth graders shared a great GOMO! story with her mom.
As they traveled home from school together, *Kate said, "Hey, mom. I have the perfect response when someone tells you something and then says, 'No offense!'"
"So, what’s that?" her mom asked.
I just say, "No offense taken."
And that is that.
*Thank you, Kate.
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“Messy people are not evil.”
That was the first statement my daughter made when I asked her for the five top things she learned during her second semester of her freshman year at college.
The rest of her *top five list includes:
Interesting that her top five learnings had little to do with academics; they had everything to do with knowing herself and relating to others.
What have your top five learnings been over the past three months? Is your learning making a difference to the strength in your life?
*Shared with my daughter’s permission
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Top 10 lists are a favorite for many of us. The top ten movies, the top ten songs, the top ten presidents…hmmm, I think I’ll stop right there. Anyway, if we were organizing a top 10 list of clients’ wishes, the #1 and #2 spots might go to wishing for more energy and for more time.
Though there’s no magic wand to wave for those extra hours, the next three blogs are dedicated to six “practically magical" ideas for increasing your energy, making each day even more productive and joyful. And that’s a Move On strategy that you can count on.
ENERGY turns into an acronym for remembering six powerful ideas that make a profound difference in your overall energy level. Choose just 2 or 3 of these ideas and infuse your life with more energy!
Establish boundaries of behavior. Most of us recognize toxic behaviors and know people who choose toxic behaviors. Most of us are affected by "toxic" people in our lives at least sometimes. Have you made the decision to protect yourself from those in your life whose negative energy runs you down? What action do you take against negative energy that tries to beat a path to your door?
A client who manages a staff of twenty recently realized her need to establish boundaries. Her staff is what it is, so she must deal with the incredibly disparate nature of her group in terms of their intellect, outlook on the organization, and energy. However, she also can establish boundaries for her interactions with them. For example, three boundaries relevant to her relationship with her staff are:
These three boundaries and her commitment to use them, means that fewer members of her staff drain her emotional and physical energy.
No more grudges. Unresolved anger, grief, gripes and grudges sap your energy. Popular author Leo Buscaglia tells us, "Don't hold to anger, hurt, or pain. They steal your energy." Restore energy through the power of GOMO!. The five steps include: identify the problem issue in specific terms, express your feelings about the issue, make a decision for apology or forgiveness, opt for action, and then move on to build trust in your relationship. GOMO! is a powerful model for purer, healthier living as you let go of grudges and welcome greater positive energy. (Click here for free GOMO! articles and product information.)
The other day, a business owner posed this concern and question:
"Many of us worry about the economy and keeping our jobs. Our business is off, and the environment for my staff of 12 feels gloomy. I don't think we'll need to cut staff, and I've let them know that. But everyone still acts very nervous. How can I cheer them up? How does a 'We're OK' group luncheon sound? Or, should I do my cheering up on a one-on-one basis?"
When I think about my own ability to get over the assorted fears I have about this economy, moving on with behavior that builds strength feels like a big challenge some days. Still, a “best course of action” is focusing on the strengths that I can build rather than fears outside of my influence and control.
So I thought about the question from that concerned and compassionate business owner and then gave a three point response. Perhaps one or more of the ideas make sense to what you are currently facing.
Both Bob Nelson and Barb Glanz are authors who write powerfully practical ideas for raising good will and morale among employees. Take a look!
Incessant head chatter is such an issue for me some days that I’m still thinking about it after writing the blog about it last week. Can you relate?
Just a few days ago, an incredibly bright sixth grader said, “I can’t stop thinking. I’m always thinking. I wish I could just stop at times.” This sixth grader also has had some severe challenges in his life so far. There’s been physical and emotional abuse, gross neglect from a runaway dad, fairly constant upheaval in his home, and very few friends in his lifetime.
What kinds of things do you suppose he thinks about?
Perhaps most of us reading this haven’t had David’s tumultuous life, but most of us know we hear the echoes of comments made to us, whether from yesterday or from “back in the day”…
What echoes do you hear?
Not every echo is bad; some are useful, even uplifting. Just consider these:
“You might be smart, but you have no common sense.”
“Keep on keeping on.”
“Don’t show too much heart or you’ll get hurt.”
“Don’t go getting all emotional on me.”
“Nobody does it better.” (Carly Simon anyone!?)
What we need to decide is which of our echoes strengthen us and which need release. Gently, let go. You’ll Get Over the pain of them when you decide to release them and Move On! to the echoes that support and encourage you.
Several years ago, I heard a story that went something like this:
A young boy was traveling to the mountains for the first time. Since this was a camping trip, the boy enjoyed wandering around the campsite and walking the winding trails. One day, he was standing near an overlook that viewed the deep valley below. He thought he heard something so he yelled, “hello.” And echo, which he had never heard responded, “hello.” The boy called back, “who are you?” And, the echo responded, “who are you?” The boy yelled out, “I asked you first.” And the echo came back, “I asked you first.” Frustrated the boy yelled again, “I don’t like you.” Predictably, he heard, “I don’t like you.”
The boy ran back to the campsite and told him mom what had happened. She talked with him and made a suggestion. Then he ran back to the overlook to again shout, “hello.” And immediately he heard, “hello.” “I’m sorry,” said the boy. And again, the voice came back, “I’m sorry.” Then the boy called out, “I love you,” and the echo responded, “I love you.”
What we say to ourselves, matters. We reap what we sow. Change your echoes. Change your echoes.
Last night, we picked Breanne’s car up from the garage where it had been for repair. As we were leaving, the usually reticent owner of the shop stopped to talk. Weather, politics (please do cast your vote!), children, and college tuition were all topics of the conversation. While talking about children and college tuition, Ed told us what happened to him just after his high school graduation. His father looked at him and, in essence, said, “You’re eighteen. Good-bye. You’re on your own, son.” Ed went on, “that was pretty hard to take at that age.”
Ed didn’t say what he did for those first couple of years, but two years later, he was establishing his own business of selling gas and fixing cars. He feels he never really had the option of attending college. Then he made a powerful, powerful GOMO! statement that’s worth sharing.
“Early on, after having a kid, I vowed that things would be better for my children. I would find a way to save enough to help them with college. I didn’t want them to have the same experience with me that I had with my father. I knew I could do better than what was done for me.”
In watching and listening, I heard no bitterness or resentment reflected, just energy for the here and now as he talked about helping two children in graduate school and one in college.
How often are others of us that present in what we want to do right now? How often do we let go of bitterness or hurt about a tough situation so that we gladly forge a different path that is right for us?
The lesson of Ed’s words is staying with me. Will you remember it too?
Several years ago, I was working at an ALCOA (the aluminum giant) coal mine and power plant in Rockdale, Texas. The meeting was with a group of management and union employees to discuss and resolve safety issues. At the end of the daylong meeting, one of the union members approached me to ask if we could meet about something that was on his mind, and then he made his request. Colin, an electrician, asked me for training to help him stop gossiping.
My response was, “Colin, that’s a great goal. How about this idea? One morning, when you wake up, decide that you are not going to gossip. Decide to remember that gossip weakens your credibility, and hurts your relationships with others in the plant. Stop gossiping. Just stop.”
Colin looked at me for a moment and asked, “That’s it? That’s all I have to do? Okay, I’ll take a shot at it, but next month when you come here, check in on me to see how I’m doing.”
“Sure. I’ll do that,” was my reply.
One month later, I checked in on his no-more-gossiping commitment. He looked at me for a moment and then exclaimed, “Darn it. I forgot. I got busy, then I went on vacation—I forgot all about not gossiping. Okay, let’s try this again. Check on me again next month to see how I’m doing.”
“I’ll do it,” was my reply.
The next month, I was on my way to his office when the power plant superintendent stopped me to say, “You are not going to believe what’s happened since you were last here. There’s been a miracle. Remember Colin? Remember what a pain in the a-- we told you he was out on the floor? Well, he’s different now. Two months ago, there was no one I trusted less than him; now, he’s one of the first I call into my office for facts when we’re having a union issue. It’s unbelievable.”
Thrilled for Colin, I quickened my pace to find him. As I opened his office door, he swiveled his lanky form away from his computer, and grinned. “You’ve already heard, haven’t you?” he asked.
“I’m really proud for you,” I responded.
“Yep, I took your advice, and made my decision. I’m no longer a gossip. It’s made a real difference here—and at home too.”
Miraculous. Unbelievable. Amazing. These were the words used to describe Colin’s big shift. Colin made a decision that truly changed his life. He stopped gossiping.
Gossiping. It remains a pretty big problem in many organizations. How about yours? If gossiping is an issue for you or others you know, take note of the next blog. We’ll take a look at five kinds of gossiping styles that often hurt relationships with suggestions for heading them off “at the pass”!
Photo Credit: Jem G.
